In the Meantime

IN THE MEANTIME

maybe there’s no answer here,
at least one we’re ready to hear.
no string of words will satisfy.
no simple equation to edify us

here, in the meantime,
may questioning nurture life.

fear is illogical math-
an impractical skill to have.
still, we talk of our future ’til we have no voice;
we’ll try to outsmart it with noise.

but here, in the meantime,
may the unknown harvest life.

we’re conditioned to mourn our empty glass
long before it ever poured out our past.
though our patience is always in short supply,
we’ll leave our farsighted worries behind.

here, in the meantime,
in the gospel of nearsight,
may we learn to live a nourished life.

I will forever be grateful to Mrs. Malinda Cox for many things; one of them being for introducing me to Sleeping At Last.

This song I have really loved since last November.  I really liked the beginning.  The idea that there are events in life that occur that seem to have no good answers.  No answers that will often comfort or put our minds at ease.   

Now, I'm beginning to appreciate more and more parts of the song.  You see, I've been in the state of "unknown" for awhile now.  Honestly, even though I've had some stability here and there, I feel like I've been in this state since about January 2011.  Since the middleish of senior year, not knowing what I would do with myself in the "real world."  Surrounded by people who seemed to have it all together.  This frustrated me.  

But I want so badly to cherish this time.  All of my needs have been taken care of and I've had the chance to have some really great experiences.  And I'm free to do whatever I want.  Free to explore.  I'm just not quite sure what kind of adventure I'm meant to have. 

While watching a movie something the main guy in it did stood out to me.  This guy went to the same man for 34 days straight in order to get picked for the job he wanted.  34 days in a row?  Seriously?  I get rejected once by a job prospect and all of the sudden my walls of defense come up and I decide I wasn't really interested in that job anyways.  

I often wonder what I should do with the expanse of freedom that will be mine in a few short months.  

Do I get a random job for a year?  Something that just pays the bills?  Or do I need to find something, one certain thing, and pursue it like crazy until I get a job in that.  In the thing I feel at the time that I am passionate about?  

I just wonder, am I supposed to pick one thing and go for it non stop till I get it or is it okay to settle for something thats kinda sorta something I'm interested in?  

You see, I'm not the type of person that decided when I was 4 years old that I want to be a nurse or a teacher or something like that.  There are only 2 things that I have know since I was little that I want to do.  And I know that God does not want that for me right now.  For whatever reason, its not the right time yet.  So what do I do now?  

I also didn't come out of college with a degree that gives you a cookie cutter description of the type of job you are qualified for.  I have a Psychology degree.  It's a beautifully broad subject.  

Obviously, I still don't have a plan.  Believe me if I had a plan I would be sharing it because I would be so on top of the world excited about it I wouldn't be able to not share it.  

I'm just trying to trust that the Lord will be faithful.  That he has not forgotten about me.  That he has a plan for me and that he WILL provide for me when the time comes that I no longer have a job or a place to live.  That he does want to give me the desires of my heart.  His timing is not my own.  But his mercies are new every morning and his love never fails.        

here, in the meantime,
in the gospel of nearsight,
may we learn to live a nourished life.