Tired

Okay.  Here we go.  A post about life lately.  I'm sorry to say that I'm going to have a hard time putting a happy spin on this one.  And I may not.
So here's the deal.  For about a week, probably longer, I've been on the brink of tears...constantly.
This whole in-transition, limbo thing is getting very, very old.  And I am.
Tired.
I'm tired of getting Christian advice that seems to automatically assume that I must be doing something wrong.  Like I'm not trusting God enough or not surrendering enough.  Like I'm not already talking to Him about the hard things in life and in the Word and praying.  Because I am.  I want to please Him and honor Him, even now.  But the truth is I'm so ready to move on.
I'm tired of feeling like going to college (and getting a degree in psychology) was a waste. (It's tiring having to struggle each month to pay for the degree I'm not using)
I'm tired of answering the question "Sooooo, what are you doing with your life?" (Insert judgmental tone here)
I'm tired of people talking to me and saying, "You can't base decisions on feelings" "Your feelings will lead you astray"  "Don't listen to your feelings!" As if I'm some nim-whit who's basing everything in life on feelings.  I AM NOT!! OKAY?  If I were I would have moved out of my parents house to somewhere else the moment it became uncomfortable and hard to be 24 and living with your parents and not out "living the dream."  Trust me.  I think.  I think a lot.  I do not always do what I feel!  (This has really been bothering me.  Can you tell?)
I'm tired of being shot down and humbled.  I get it okay?  I am nothing.  All I need is you Jesus.  Can I get a little help here?  I'm ready for relief.  I'm ready to breathe deep.
I'm tired of having no idea what I am doing.  I don't feel at peace (I'm realizing now that Satan is getting to me.  Because God does not cause the type of chaos I'm feeling right now.  Eww.  Get away Satan!)  But every time someone gives me Christian advice or tells me I'm too feelings focused I just get more frustrated and I'm filled with more doubt.  I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!  I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS!!
I know that I want a full time job.  I want to be really involved in a church.  I want to be in community with other believers.  I want to help people.  And I want to have my own place where I can have people over and welcome them and be hospitable.  These are not bad things.  Right?  But I'm still not getting them from God.  I feel like I've missed the ride on the favor train.  I feel like these are not worldly desires.  But they still aren't happening.  At least not in the full-time, full-fledged way I'm hoping for.
I've been trying for 2 months to get a full time job and I haven't gotten anything.  I haven't even gotten an interview really.
And I'm looking for jobs in the helping profession!!!!  Seriously?!?!  Aren't there a lot of people that need help out there?  Why don't they want to hire me???
Whoo! Okay...rant over.
Just thought I'd give you a little update. (I bet you wish I hadn't)
So here I am.  Still waiting.  Knowing that I am blessed with food and shelter and enough money to pay the bills each month (which really is pretty amazing).  I know I have so much.  Its just been hard to wait for all the things God has given me a passion to do.
Here I am learning what the Bible says about God's will.  That I need to pray without ceasing, be joyful always, and give thanks always.  That I need to be pure and loving and kind.
God's will is not necessarily for me to always have a job that I find a lot of fulfillment in.
I am totally under construction. (And it hurts, but I know its for a purpose)
I am learning a lot.  
I am an alien in this world.
This is my temporary home.  I will not find perfect fulfillment and joy and peace here.  And while I'm here I must look to God for the joy and peace I crave.
So thats what going on here, how about you?